January 30, 2008

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These prints
You left behind
Haunt my night
Blind my sight
So i cant fight
Because it’s not right
fall i just might
lost is the abscence of light
as is my so called might

these frowns i will hide
These daggers are stuck in my side
your eyes wash away with the tide
lost are the days of my pride
In these moments iam growing tired
The solitary falls is where i will confide
Everything will be taken in stride
My wisdom shall be applied
My sanity will be forced to abide

—————————————————————————————

I watch the veil of darkness descend over your face
I see the intentions in your eyes morph
I gaze at your new colors
I return your smirk
I notice the your actions more rigid
I trace the devils trail back to your home
I question your new found strength
I adapt to your hear your frequency
I borrow the tainted apple
I found pandoras box to be your lair
I notion your demise
I despise your metamorphisis
I aspire your downfall
I topple the maiden domino

———————————————————————————————————————–

My fotress of solitude beings to break
Iam afraid of what you will take
Will you steal my heart
Or build on my hate
I write these broken rhymes
Cause these are hard times
Don’t forget the warmth of light
Don’t forget that you can fight
I may not be in your sight
But iam always on yours side
If you should fall on your face
It’ll be your pain i’ll try to erase
i know We walk on a thin line
But it’s one i plan to redefine
For it’s only you
My gates will move

———————————————————————————–

These hands are numb again
I have blocked out the pain
Where there once was smiles
there is only rage
Your voice is cold again
My choice is weak again
I enjoy the warmth
Of the arctic darkness
I break my worth
With my conscious
My sight is darkening
My blood is trickeling
Your hand covers the stain
My eyes are wide again
Your silence is deafening
I tear my skin again
Just to feel again
My dark hands are merely rough
its not because iam tough
but because i fought again
My mind is darkening
your voice isnt encouraging
time has taken its toll again
this madness is ravaging
the very little everything
that i have left.

I have a biology exam tomorrow coupled with english. Havent studied much for any midterms maybe i will regret it now but i cant change the past only the future. So yea. I don’t feel like writing a blog entry just wanted to put something up since there hasn’t been one for a while and i used to be so consistent.

Entry January 24, 2008

Here are some rough draft poems. I dont feel any of them are good enough to call complete but i doubt ill come back on edit them in all honesty.

Beautiful Disguise (meh it needs some sort of title i guess.)

Your broken lies
Your beautiful disguise

I fail to see your cold mind
I fail to be your cruel toy

I look back on all your assualts
I look back at all the tears that have been shed

I wonder if you will ever reappear
I wonder why i even roll the dice

I took your pain, your hate, your problems
I took your damned abuse

I try remember who i am
I try to forget who you are

I cry when i think about my life
I cry when i think about your warm smile

—New Poem No title (not yet anyways)

I can feel the cold breeze
On my paralyzed skin
I walk among the broken
and hear their tragedies
I slip on the sand
and i stay still
I talk to myself
When there is noone else
I smell your soft scents
but your not there
I look for a reflection
but all i see is distorted perfection

—Rough

These useless scars
Decorate my malevont skin
These plastic products
Disguise my sullen face
These heavy clothes
transfigure my proportions
These empty expressions
shade my emotions
These empty lies
Destroy my Pride
These crazy times
corrupts my mind
These clenched fists
are drenched all the time
This bleeding heart
is mine alone.

Not sure if i put this one up yet but whatever.

these days are a little hazy
my mind a little crazy
stuck in the belly of a shark
where its way too dark
Tore up this warm womb
Just to get out of this cocoon
Ascend through the abyss
Simply to a place even i cant miss
Where i wont falter or rust
Or gather no grimey dust
Where sunshine is viral
through the illuminated spireal
Yet youth fades
Just like glory days.

Alright these are a few poems i wrote yesterday or sometime recently. Note the punctuation and grammar may not be correct. I’m not writing this professionally or looking for it to be judged studiously so i don’t really care. I wrote it to write it so judge the content and not the grammar. Yes I’m lazy or maybe I’m just prioritizing what i think is more important.

Alright i haven’t wrote a blog entry in a long time because i haven’t been able to log into my account. For some reason today my pass started working. I think its because the servers have been somewhat unstable recently but whatever im not going to complain. I dont really know what has really happened since now and my last entries. Time has just seemed to pass by. I don’t really know anything significant that happened but that may be because my mind is not in the right place right now. Midterms are next week haven’t really started studying makes me a little scared that i may regret it but whatever.Hmm. Yesterday or day before i spent an evening with Meagan at Mary Browns until i guess supper time had a nice little conversation about life or whatever. Ordered a poutine but it seems like she ate more of it than i did. Anyways i was really tired so i went home and more so laid down or napped. I don’t really know what to call it. Ian called me up to take advantage of toonie Tuesday which we always want to go but always seem to forget anyways went back and laid down till he came. Went there and had meal with him and Bob which was alright not the best meal i had but meh i don’t really want to complain about food right now. Later went for a mini mini burn with Ian until we had to go to Pynn’s who by the way kept reminding me in school. Its where we were going to get our grad ring. It killed about an hour. I chose my sides somewhat easy i got a playstation with a controller with one side because i have and will always be gamer maybe not hardcore but a casual one at least. It sure as hell wont be something i forgot about myself. I got the peace sign on the other side of my ring because… well i just like peace and didn’t really have anything else to put there except maybe class of 08 but hey i doubt ill forget what year i graduated in since there is 2008 and well i don’t see the point in just getting class of 08. For my engraving i was really distraught since i have pretty much given up every team high school sport i have been in. For better or worse. Didn’t really know if i want a husky. I kind of liked the Devil but i don’t know how i will feel about that in a few years. So i may just change it to a husky or just not have anything on the inside. What the devil means to me is not probably the same as what it means to someone else they will probably think of it more hardcore but maybe i just like the pic. I don’t believe in heaven or hell and i don’t believe the devil is evil he may be bad so aren’t we all. I’m not quite going to go into detail about this right now. Went back to the Boys and Girls club after that around my 8 my second home which i haven’t visited in a while. Trevor seems to want me to come more but i have been preoccupied with other things. Don’t really know how those other things are going. I like the boys and girls club so i may start visiting it more frequently later. I met Joy or aka the new kid from Toronto or somewhere. He showed us a couple of cool magic tricks although some of them were quite see through but hey its the thought or effort that counts so i didnt mind. I quite enjoyed it. I mean i wouldnt go about doing it since i probably suck and don’t really want to dedicate my self to it . Although i believe it would be somewhat nifty to be able to do with a group of people i guess. Stayed up till 1 i guess not doing a whole lot just barely catching up in the biology classes i missed or slept in. I didn’t do a very good job but oh well. The next day was a blizzard day so it worked out in the end. Although i did no work on that day. I tried to study chemistry but i could only go over 2 pages of notes before i got sick of it. Well thats pretty much it for now. I don’t really even know why i even wrote this much but oh well its all good.

xD

-T

stuff January 18, 2008

Could You Be a Vampire?

You Are 46% Vain

You’re a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence. Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don’t think less of those who aren’t as pretty as you!

How Vain Are You?

You Could Be a Vampire… If You Had To

Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind. But you’re not sure if you’d do it, even if you could.Living forever doesn’t sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you love the most.But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version of you even be you? It’s all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low.What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teeth

Could You Be a Vampire?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Should Learn Japanese

You’re cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.From Engrish to eating contests, you’re born to be a crazygaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

I totally would love to learn Japanese.

Your Birth Date: July 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others.
Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you’re just too likeable to elicit jealousy.
Progressive and original, you’re usually thinking up cutting edge ideas.
Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges.

Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower

You Are 63% Impulsive

You are impulsive, which at times leads to irresponsibility. It’s hard for you to say no to all but the most insane propositions. But you could care less. While your impulsive ways have gotten you in a little trouble - they’ve made for a very exciting life!

Are You Impulsive?

Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom

Your power color: Tangerine

Your power symbol: Ace

Your power month: May

(I did this one a while ago last year even.)

You Are 12% Emo

You’re the furthest thing from emo. Sensitivity is not something you exactly cultivate… and you can’t imagine weeping over song lyrics.

Are You Emo?

You Are Confident and Secure

You are practically immune to insecurity and self doubt. You’re comfortable with who you are, and if someone doesn’t like you - that’s not your problem. Some people think you’re too confident, but that’s just their insecurities shining through. Your confidence carries you through your worst moments, because you know you’ll always come out fine.

Are You An Insecure Girl?

You Are Iceman

You tried to live a normal life, but it just wasn’t possible A bit of a slacker, you rather tell jokes than cultivate your powersPowers: turning self and others into ice, making ice weapons, becoming nearly invisible

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Your Lust Quotient: 36%

You are a fairly lustful person, but nothing out of the norm. You usually keep your lust under control, but sometimes it gets the better of you.

How Much Lust Do You Have?

You Are Ruby Red

You are warm and inviting - yet a little wild and outrageous. Well aware that you have a dual personality, you work it as much as you can! You like for people to be comfortable around you, but not at the expense of you stealing the limelight. Popular and well known, you make friends easily. You have your big personality to thank for that.

What Color Red Are You?

You Are a Very Good Girl

You are 90% Good and 10% Bad You’re a perfect angel - almost impossibly so Don’t you ever feel like being a little bad?!?

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

Your Flirt Quotient

You are 40% Flirt

Are You a Flirtatious Woman?

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Doc Flea Your Superpower is Abnormal Brain Function Your Weakness is Tummy Rubs Your Weapon is Your Nuclear Axe Your Mode of Transportation is Hovercraft

What’s your Superhero Name?

Tuesday 8.08 January 9, 2008

Well just another regular school day. Got back my english test that i thought i was going to get less than 10 in. To my surprise i did stellar. I mean i actually passed which is crazy because i didn’t really read the book and had no idea what the answers were to any questions after the second one (haha) but yea it was pretty amazing. I even did better than people who actually studied for and read the book. I found it pretty shocking. Our new chem teacher is very slack hmm. Didn’t really do any work this class just talked to Jeremy for pretty much all of it. Nothing much happened today. Nothing special at all. I watched 2 episodes of the big bang theory which i find very entertaining. That sums up my day.

Back From Break January 8, 2008

First day of school since Christmas break. Not bad just like any other day. Gives me something i do. Although im sure i love the luxuries of break like sleeping in or nothing really due. Well im back and our chemistry teacher is deserting her. She is the same one that broke her hand in tug of war or should i say dislocated some body pieces. Apparently it was her rings that got caught up in the rope and that was the main thing. Anyway she was a good teacher in my eyes. Most people would disagree but she was the kind of person that was hardcore about work and didn’t take crap from no one. She didn’t say false threats like our other stupid teachers which is one of the reasons i liked her and of course she would actually help you if you needed help provided you weren’t an idiot. I caught up with quite a few people today. Nice to see everyones faces and new hairstyles haha. I have two assignments due at the end of this week and a test in 2 days. Sweeeet.  Actually going to start paying attention in class for physics and stuff  because midterms are this month.  I got a 100 on my world geography test which is funny because ms.young was telling me how i wasnt doing well because i did nothing in her class or do her homework. Haha whatever. Although im terrified of my english test im expecting maybe a 10 or so and I’m not the type of guy that says he does worse than he ACTUALLY thinks he got just to get attention from people. Got to tear up English this year since it used to be one of my best subjects. Other than that i didn’t do a whole lot. Right now I’m currently wondering why the Christmas lights are on and why our tree (fake miniature one) is still up. Getting prepped for midterms is a main priority although i don’t know how well it will work out. Since i usually actually start studying for midterms the weekend before midterms and those are just a couple subjects i deem worthy of studying for. Got to change that this year. I wonder how well it will work out. I think I’m going to start going to the gym after midterms. Need to find a dedicated partner laste year had Jonny and Paul somewhat. I started but i dont really want to keep it up since it will eat up my time and i dont think i can stop doing less nothing so if i start going to the gym i wont have as much potential time to make the most of my time. Well we will have to see how it turns out i guess.

First January 7, 2008

First month of the new year. First 6th day of the year. First 2008. First something else. Woke up at like 12 sat on comp eating till i had to take a shower and leave to meet an Ohh So Special Girl. Got out of the shower just in time to throw clothes on a run down to make it on time. No idea what im supposed to do? No idea what im supposed to say? Or what im supposed to wear.(haha i sound like a girl) I did what i usually do. I winged it. Ran into a few friends before hand but using some sly moves i slipped out inconspicuously and made it on time a couple minutes early. Walked around mall for a bit then bought a drink for something to do. Went back and sat on the bench playing games on my ipod. I knew i should of taken it. Anyways thats about it. Were there for a while that it was pretty much supper time after we done. So we left since we didn’t want to get kicked out of that place. Only had a 6inch pizza haha. It was great. Walked home some of the way with her before taking a detour since i pretty much didn’t have anything else to do but wanted to come home in time for supper. No idea how well it went since it was my first so I’m kind of in wonder what was in her head. Ran into a couple of friends like 5 seconds after i took detour. Was sly again and got a ride to the mall and just walked home again. Had no idea if i was to keep this on the down low so i was pretty sly. Anyways got home. Ate again and picked up books lying around since school is tomorrow. Took a nap after. Couldn’t really sleep long so i just got back on comp since forcing myself to sleep doesn’t seem to work. Just kind of scared that im going to feel like crap when i wake up tomorrow. Since i may not get much sleep. Didn’t have anything to really do so im writing this blog entry since i doubt I’m going to be up 3-6 in the morning like i was during the holidays. That sums up my day pretty good i guess. Don’t know how the rest of the entries are going to be since school is back and i wont have as much free time. I guess we will just have to wait and see how everything plays out. xD

Best X-mas Gift January 6, 2008

Alright i got to blog about this before it gets too late. This was the best gift i got for Christmas or maybe ever. Maybe its just because i don’t really get a lot of gifts or i just get really crappy ones. I wish i had gotten this before x mas day so i could put it under my tree with my other gift but whatever. It made me laugh so hard and happy when i got it. There’s a story behind this gift and well if you want to know it i guess you will have to ask and i will deem whether you are worthy or not. I got pics of it since i thought it was pretty epic.

That really made my day. Thank you skipper I’m glad to know you have my back xD. I will keep it for as long as i can. The box completely threw me off guard but i have to say it was pretty awesome. I will definitely keep it close to heart. I appreciate it. xD

Alright today is the 2nd last day before school I’m currently apathetic at this point. Since i don’t think school will make any difference right now to me. Went to Jonk’s today and watched like 6 or 7 twilight zone episodes some of them were crap some of them were decent. Ate a lot of chocolate in the past 2 days since i bought a crap load since they were only 57cents each. I came home and ate. Mmm chicken. Showered jumped on comp. Got bored so i went for a run to irving and back since I got no exercise today. Almost killed myself panting. If you go you might as well go hard right screw the cold and pain. Wasn’t a whole lot to choose from so i just picked up sicko since i knew it’d be decent since i like Michael Moore’s other movies. Picked up a sprite zero too with it. Got home and made popcorn the right way since last time i opened it and the popcorn made a huge mess inside the microwave i can justify why i did this but i really dont think i need to justify myself to you. Ate my popcorn. Drank my sprite. Watched my movie. It was pretty good. Made me thankful for living in Canada and makes me never want to move to the U.S. Since its really screwed up down there. I like Michaels way of approaching things i like his humor too. Seems like a great guy too me. With new elections coming up i hope to God Bush doesn’t get reelected for the greater good of not just the U.S. but the world. I had a pretty peaceful night i wonder how many of those will be rolling around in the next few weeks. Didn’t write something as i usually do in the past 3 days but thats probably just cause it was a fling and i lost my motivation. I tend to lose everything. xD

Me after running home

4.08 January 5, 2008

Woke up sorer than yesterday. It was pretty damn bad i woke up and almost died getting out of bed. Haha just the way i like it. Couldn’t really go to the gym today way to damn lazy and don’t feel like wasting my last few days. I wasted enough already. I ran down to Jordan’s house for the most part in the afternoon for my exercise. Didn’t do much and then Meagan invited to me to Chinese and i told her i would go before when she asked a few days ago so i was like to hell with it and went. I’ve wasted enough time this Christmas at home alone on the comp instead of going to anything i was invited to. I will get my redemption. Anyways Meagan and Britt came and picked us up in her car. Went to Chinese and ate two plate fulls of pretty much everything on the plate. I was pretty satisfied since the plates were packed. I had to pay 7 in cash and take 3 off my debit card. Ah the things i would do. Walked home after Chinese didn’t really want to put a burden on Brittany since she had to be at the mall by 6. It was a good meal had slight interaction with others since a long time. Got home my parents and sister went to dinner at someone else house that i was supposed to go to but i skipped it. Duff was supposed to bring his 360 down and ran was supposed to bring his controllers but i guess it took me too long to call Duff back as he was whisked away to Jordan’s. So anyways i was like meh screw this i need to leave this house. So i jumped in shower put on some decent clothes(because you never know) and ran to Jordan’s house again. It was great. Played the 360 there it was pretty good. Got bored left at around 11 something when i didn’t want to watch some muppets movie. Started walking home and Josh picked me up and i had nothing better to do so we went for a mini burn. Had a good conversation with him throughout or mini ride. Don’t see a whole lot of Josh anymore since he doesn’t go to school no more and i don’t think we both show up at the boys and girls club regularly anymore. Decent day i guess better than most I’m having these days. Got home and jumped on comp as usual tired of messaging people first all of the time now. It starts to feel like im always talking to people first and if i don’t message first they wont talk so now im like very good. If they really want to talk they can initiate. Don’t feel like messaging them all the time and feeling like im keeping them from doing something or annoying them. Never used to message people first it just became a habit lately and i think ive been doing it too much. Anyone who wants to talk better message me or screw off because im tired now. Im still pretty much doing nothing and will talk most of the time or i will tell you i don’t want to talk don’t take it as something like im suddenly busy because im not. I need to pick up a good hobby. Wrote another whack poem anyone who wants to steal can steal im sure some of you maybe like damn i need to write something due for tomorrow sometime although i dont advise stealing this poem or whatever you want to call it.

Hope fails again

I will leave my friend

Venture into the dark

where fear ensues

but cannot pursue

my mind that wont look back

darker than the darkness

harder than the hardest

I shall not break again

I shall not sleep again

Gone beyond the realms of mortals

Slipped into fear itself

Yet still not scared

Even though everything else is petrified

A grimace slowly forms upon this sad face.

Oh yea almost forgot i watched 30 days of night last night. I though its was pretty damn good. Not sure about everyone else but it seemed pretty entertaining to me. My favorite part is the same part off the commercial when the missy says something like please help me god and one of the vampires or whatever says calmly No God. I even like the vampires in this movie turned out to be better than i thought since i had somewhat low expectations for this movie recently. Kind of cheesy ending but so aren’t all vampire movies right. Still liked it though i can look past those minuscule flaws as long as its of quality. Whatever i guess i don’t really think there are anymore movies I’m now looking forward to. hrm….

Jan 3rd January 4, 2008

Meh just another blog entry at like 2 in the morning. I don’t even know why i stay up so late anymore. School is going to start soon and im going to have to get back in routine i guess. What am i to do. Perhaps i should just go back to the way it was before now.

Went to the mall today for a really long time started to feel like a loser after a while. I know im going to look back at this and be like i was such a loser. I don’t really know what iI’ am at or what I’m supposed to think and what not. Invited a few people down to the house tonight to watch a movie a few turned into a little more than a couple but it wasn’t bad at all this time as they were all pretty good. Played scrabble watched a movie talked and whatnot. They left recently cant remember what time i guess but meh. On the comp bored and was iffy on even writing a blog entry i mean is it even worth it? Wrote a poem

The Dark Knight

Another endless night
another stupid fight
All those meaningless lies
He cant seem to justify
Befallen by an empty smile
That shall reside for a while
Will he be alright
Will he fall in his fight
Bleeds with honour and disdain
He shall be numbed from his pain
the stitches he has sown
Are poisoned by the vengeance he has grown
The Darkness shall take his soul
As Dante demands his toll

Not that great but whatever. If you want to steal my poem and use it as your own go ahead i don’t really care about it enough.

-T :/

2.08 January 3, 2008

Woke up late in the morning. Ate lunch jumped on computer made sure the plans for the gym were still a go. At that moment they were. Even got Jonk to come so i could do all the weights and have someone else more experienced to help things out. Managed to get a ride with Mom waited on Bob for a bit then decided screw and just went and picked him up on his was down to my house. Told Gill that we were leaving real soon although i don’t believe she took the hint. Got to the Gym went inside and got set up. Told Gill to come down. She said she was coming. Started doing a run after i done the run. Was like where is she so i made a lame excuse to go dunphy’s and get a bottle of water. Called her on my way to Dunphys turns out she wasn’t coming and here i was without my winter attire on outside just my t-shirt and pants.It was kinda cold and I was like great its just as well. Anyway got my drink went back to the gym and was like meh screw this might as well tear ourselves to pieces. So we did i think i may have pushed these guys harder than i think they were expecting but its just as well. We are sure as hell going to feel this tomorrow since we did some of the most intense workouts we could do. I miss the feeling of being torn up everyday and not being able to move without soreness. Haha good times. Earlier in 2007 from march to june i went crazy to the gym with Jonny and Paul (vice-principal= He was a great guy and basically took us under his wing apparently he was a professional in university or something). I even started cutting out soda and all other junk. Didn’t really improve much. In fact i got more compliments in the summer when i was trying to get fat by eating out all the time. It kinda screwed with my head and made me wonder why i even went to the gym. Meh i had a lot of fun times there even though it was a lot of work. Anyways me and Bob walked home and i met up with Duff. I ended up getting his number to call him later to see if he wanted to do something. I kind of had to go home eat and shower because i definitely needed it. I ate and then took a nap for about an hour because i was dropping. Got a shower found out Duff was at Jardon’s and was like screw that its crappy outside and im kinda not in the mood for no more exercise. I started eating another supper again . Then i wrote a poem all for an ohhh so special girl. This is the first time i wrote something without a reason such as school. I usually don’t write at all. Maybe its because I’m lazy and don’t like writing unless its for an ohh so special reason. Anyways sat on the computer waiting for the ohh so special girl to pop on msn since i rarely see her in reality anymore. Watched 2 movies all in wait the game plan a disney movie that is meant for kids and very cheesy suffered through a little and Good Luck Chuck about a guy who can’t find the right girl because he is hexed by some girl when she is 10. Good Luck Chuck is pretty funny not spectacular but not bad. It was full of more sexual behavior than i had expected as i had expected a pg 13 movie since Jessica Alba was in it. She finally came on msn and i sent her my unlabeled poem and currently talking to her now. xD